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| Argh - so... life is about to change pretty drastically for me - and I'm kinda nervous. I'm moving in with Phill this week, technically on Tuesday, but I won't be sleeping there until Friday. I'm not worried about moving out finaly (I know I'll love that) What I'm mostly worried about is how Phill is going to feel about me as time goes on... make sense? I just kinda feel worried about if he's going to get bored with me, or if he's going to find someone better... I dunno. I'm sure these are pretty common worries - but it sucks.
There is 1 person in particular that I was kinda paranoid about - the funny thing is she lives in Australia. lol. Lame eh? He's just been really good friend's with her for years, and they had planned that if they ever had met in person to get together or whatever. They still talk faily often - and he really wants to make a trip to Australia to meet her. (they met on the internet while he was in the Navy, and though he went to port there 2 times they never got to meet up.) What if he does eventualy meet up with her - even years from now and he realizes that he really likes her and not me? Ok - so I know this sounds stupid, and I never really thought about it till recently, and only now so because before she had a boyfriend of 8 years - and, she thought they were going to get married. Now she tells Phill that he is planning on moving to a dif part of Australia and that the boyfriend doesn't think he wants her to go with him. So... then she'll be avail - and even when she had her boyfriend, she still had planned to be with Phill - so now that she doesnt.... I dunno, but it just doesnt seem good in my head.
I think I am just worrying myself silly. We have a strong relationship and he doesn't do anything to make me think he would leave me- I think it's just my stupid insecurities - I'm worrying myself too much, I mean... she lives in Australia!! Argh... I dunno - I guess I just wanted to write it down and get it outta my head. I don't bring it up to friends because it's not pleasant conversation and I'm horrible at letting my feelings out anyways. I didn't write it on Live Journal because too many people read it and I guess I don't want my insecurities to be public. Bleh... this doesnt help really either.
I'm just going to move out and not worry about it. If the time comes that it does happen, then it happens - that's life. There is no reason to live dreading that it could happen, it would make the time I have now not worth it. Make sense? Ok - I think I've figured it out. yay. | | |
| Name: Trisha
Birth date: 12/18/81
Birthplace: Novato, Ca
Current Location: Novato, Ca (pathetic... I know. But, I actualy like it here.)
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Naturally: uhmmm... brown maybe; As of right now: Red
Height: 5'10
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Sagitarius
LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Your heritage: I'm a mutt - I dont really know mine. :)
Shoes you wore today: Pumas
Your weakness: Candy, and cute animals.
Your fears: Not many that I know of... I'm sure a lot are subconcious kinda things though.
Your perfect pizza: Cheese with ranch dressing
Goal you'd like to achieve: To actualy be happy with almost every aspect of my life.
LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase on AIM: lol
Your thoughts first waking up: dunno - too sleepy to remember
Your best physical feature: uhmmm... my eyes I guess
Your bedtime: whenever - lately when Phill gets home, somewhere between 2:30 and 4.
LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger king
Single or group dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Lipton Iced Tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or vanilla: Van*e*lla
Cappuccino or coffee: neither, yuck.
LAYER FIVE: Do You?
Smoke: eeeeeew. NOPE.
Cuss: sure
Sing: all the time
Take a shower everyday: always
Have a crush(es): Does Phill count?
Think you've been in love: Sure *am*
Like(d) high school: Naw - highschool pretty much sucked.
Want to get married: definately
Believe in yourself: yeah
Get motion sickness: nope - not yet anyways.
Think you're attractive: sometimes.
Think you're a health freak: no
Get along with your parents?: haha, thats funny. My moms crazy, and we barely get along. I get along with my dad when he's not lecturing me.
Like thunderstorms: yes I do. In Tennessee when they have them I go outside to watch. :)
Play an instrument: 1 for real, the rest only pretend.
LAYER SIX: In the past few months have you...
Drank alcohol: not really. *allergic kinda*
Smoked: no way
Done a drug: no
Made Out: yeah
Gone on a date: yeah
Gone to the mall?: yeah
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: I don't like oreos.
Eaten sushi: Yeah - the non fish kinda though. Inari, Nasu, Futomaki...
Been on stage: no
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: nope
Gone skinny dipping: no
Dyed your hair: yes
Stolen anything: no
Lied: I lie daily... only little things, to stupid people. (at work mostly)
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: I think?
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes
Been called a tease: no way - me a tease?! I can't even flirt.
Gotten beaten up: uhmm... I've gotten into fights, but I was never beaten up.
Shoplifted: use to all the time. not so much now. nope.
LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married: 24ish
Numbers and Names of Children: 2
Describe your dream wedding: I like the idea of it being ourdoors, and in the snow. :) but not cold...
How do you want to die: quickly and painlessly.
What do you want to be when you grow up: happy
What country would you most like to visit: Australia
LAYER NINE: In a girl/guy?
Best eye color? its not the color... its more the intensity. But green.
Best hair color?: I like black and dark brown, but also blonde and bleached...
Short or long hair: short, definately short. Long is icky.
Height: I like tall boys, over 6 ft. :) I'm tall too!
Best first date location: uhmmm.... somewhere that I don't have to worry about talking to much - I'm not good at that. I'll go with the zoo. I can talk about animals no problem. :)
LAYER TEN: In The Numbers...
Number of people I could trust with my life: Uhmmm.... I'm borderline 4-5. Can't decide.
Number of CDs that I own: lots, maybe 300?
Number of piercings: 6
Number of tattoos: 1 on my back
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: I dunno, a few, maybe 5?
Number of scars on my body: I got lots of little ones...
Number of things in my past that I regret: I don't know how many becuase I don't usualy think about them. But there are definately a couple things I wish I could have done differently. | | |
| Argh - so, I feel bad now. My best friend is coming home on March for about 2 weeks. So of course I want to do stuff with her, which I will. But I feel bad because before I found out I had told another one of my friends whose 21st birthday is the same time my bestfriend comes home - and I had already told her that I would go to Tahoe to celebrate with her for the weekend. Now that I found out B/F is coming home at the exact same time - I have to cancel. I had thought B/F was only coming down for like a day - so it didnt matter that I would be leaving, it probably would have been on a dif day anyways. But since I would have gone to tahoe for like 3 of my 5 days off... that wouldnt be very cool because I wouldnt have time to spend with my B/F. (Dunno why I'm not using names here... lol) Bleh - I've just gotta tell her I guess. Fun Fun. Hopefully she wont care too much - she'll have a lot of other people going too.
Working too much. I have worked 10 days in a row, then had 1 day off... now I'm back at work. It sucks. Yep. At least I'll get a lot of money... oh - and tomorrow, I have to work 10 1/2 hours! That's a lot of working. | | |
| Ok - so I have decided to let some people know about this site. Which, to be honest I already sort of regret. It's not that I don't want people to know about my real feelings - it's just that a lot of the times... well wait, maybe I don't want people to know. I'm not sure really. There are just some things - that even if I had someone to tell them to, I wouldnt. So... as I will try to be as bluntly honest in this journal as I had planned - I believe I will be having some private posts as well - where none of you can read them.
I already posted this in my LJ - but, decided to repost here:
I'm in kinda a bummed out, my life is going nowhere mood. I dunno what brought it on either. My job sucks. I don't have an education that I can use to better my career or whatever. I'm not really working towards anything. The only thing I am even really happy about in my life is that I have a good relationship with my boyfriend. I don't really have any friends. OK... yeah, I have a few - Diana who lives in West Virginia and I never see. Kelley who moved and started her life in Georgia. Kt who I never see because of work schedules and school. Karen who I never see because of work schedules and visiting her boyfriend. Yep - thats about it. Theres the others who I've just grown apart from because of getting older... but I never see or really speak to anyone anymore. I just wish I could have done something more... instead of living with my psycho mom, working at a dead-end job, with nothing to look forward too. What I'm bummed out about is that its all my fault - I can't blame anyone else for living their life... I just wish I could have done something with mine.
I don't feel like its too late or anything - I know I still have time, I just don't know how to get started. If I go to school, then I can't work as much - wont be able to make money to pay for the house payments that I'm not even 100% sure I am going to have in the future. If I get a 2nd job to save money then I won't have any time for Phill - which is the only thing that makes me happy right now. I dunno. I just wish I knew what to do. I wish there was some sort of letter that someone forgot to send me - that tells me exactly what I am supposed to be doing and how I am supposed to acheive it.
Back to Xanga only.
Nothing else to write actualy. Bye bye. | | |
| xanga
This is my first post. I'm not really sure what its even going to look like in the end. I just thought I would give it a shot since I just heard about it. I usualy write in LiveJournal - but decided to try this one as an outlet for me to use when I want to write something uncensored - like my LJ tends not to be. Too many of my real life friends read my LJ - so times when I want to rant about them.... I can not because they'll read about it. Lets hope this one is different. | | |
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